Blake Andrew
U of M Frat Engages in Social Distant Butt Chugging
Photo by nym
COVID-19 Continues Minnesota Goodbye
“Here in Minnesota, we are always happy to host, but when it comes to global pandemics we’d like to end the party early when possible,” Governor Tim Walz said.
Bob Kroll Blames Personality on Liberal Media
“While many say I am rotten to the core, an evil fuckstain, and a soulless monster by choice, I can say unequivocally the source of my general shittiness is not me, but MSNBC somehow.”
U of M Announces Brave Return to Generating Revenue This Fall
Following an academic year cut short by the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, the University of Minnesota’s Board of Regents announced a brave return to generating revenue for the fall semester. The plan, which highlights an abbreviated academic calendar, virtual classes, and other significant departures from the standard campus experience, includes full price tuition.
Target Announces Plan to Compete with Amazon Employee Abuse
In efforts to compete with Amazon at every level and become America’s favorite shopping option,…
Buffalo Wild Wings Encourages Customers to Have Diarrhea at Home
With the Coronavirus pandemic shuttering restaurants across the world and threatening their ability to stay in business, Buffalo Wild Wings launched a campaign reminding customers they can still have B-Dubs signature diarrhea from the comfort of their own home.
Responding to customer concerns that, amid the closing of the brick and mortar restaurants, they would no longer be able to enjoy violent dysentery while watching SportsCenter reruns on a Tuesday afternoon. Buffalo Wild Wings reassured it’s loyal customer base…
The Coronavirus Hospitalized After Encounter with Michele Bachmann
At the height of its global pandemic, the Coronavirus, also known as COVID-19, has reportedly been hospitalized after being exposed to former Minnesota congresswoman Michele Bachmann.
Following an innocuous chance encounter with the first Republican woman from Minnesota to be elected to the House of Representatives, the infectious disease began displaying…
Amy Klobuchar Shocked to Hear She’s Still Running for President
Photo by Gage Skidmore